I’ve got to find a new plan because unfortunately, my old one was burned down, stolen, and humiliated.
It’s been a tough year.
My house burned down in a wildfire, along with all of my belongings.
I ended up being temporarily homeless. Sleeping in the Walmart parking lot and taking a shower at my gym, all while being really sick with intestinal parasites.
And then my car got broken into, where I was stripped of anything that I had salvaged from my house before it crumbled in flames.
Last week a man I know was having a conversation with me and raised his voice out of passion that the girl he used to know was full of passion and had fire in her eyes. He didn’t see her anymore. As if something just beat the crap out of her and took her out of the game.
I have had the crap beaten out of me. I don’t feel sparkly. I feel violated. I feel stripped of confidence. I feel lost. And I feel overwhelmed because I have no idea where to go next.
There’s only one question I even know to ask myself right now, “What is my heart still holding onto even after all that’s been taken away?”
This is where I have to begin again. From this very question. And here’s what I do know. Something that wasn’t burned down in the fire. Whatever it is that I’m doing, if there is a cap on the level I can grow, expand, improve, and impact, I will lose interest quickly. If what I’m doing includes constant growth, improvement, course correction, and impact, I’ll stick in the game…..forever. I’ll never lose heart. It’s just how I am wired. So right now I’m putting a game plan together of how I’m going to successfully get back into finding passion for the other multiple things that I have always loved and gravitated to. My fight isn’t over. I just need a new game plan and direction.
I don’t want these events to define me or hold me back, and they won’t. I’m allowed to be sad and confused. But I’m also allowed to keep going. From this starting point.
Just like “Think and Grow Rich” says, “If your first plan doesn’t work, find a new one, over and over, until you succeed”