How to communicate with your significant other when you’re feeling “off”

Not long ago it was just me and Jesus, going through different seasons of life.

I’d be on a certain rhythm for awhile, God would switch it up, and I’d instantly be off. For me that always meant slowing down, a lot of alone time and processing, and laying out a new course so I could get back on.


When I was single, that was really easy to do. So much time alone. Married? Not so much.


When my life is in complete chaos and I have little control over the external environments, I’m very calm and carefree. When life is demanding and has a lot of order, and a lot of projects need to get done, I turn into a bit of a perfectionist (buzz kill), trying to keep everything functioning in its highest gear.

When I first met my husband life was in complete chaos mode. I had just moved to a new place, didn’t own anything, had no job, and no foundation set up. Calm and carefree.


Today its the opposite. We’re in the middle of making our apartment a home, buying and organizing for our combined lifestyle needs, learning to cook for two athletes, building two businesses, studying anything and everything informational, working jobs, training everyday, traveling, going to seminars, and building our marriage. There is so much going on and we are in total order mode, and we have to be for all of this to function properly.

It’s always the same pattern. God places me in one extreme and I live there for awhile, and then He throws me over to the opposite spectrum days, months, sometimes years later. But no matter the subject, it’s always the same pattern, and I’m always left to find the balance, it’s never given to me.

I’m at a crossroads again, new subject.


I’m well aware that we are currently in order mode, and that I turn into a perfectionist, and that’s is not necessarily bad because a lot of things do get done efficiently, but there are certain things I just don’t prefer about “order mode Sarah”. There are some kinks that have to get fixed. Some balances that have to be found.

So if we’re going from being single, where we can go through life transitions in the comfort of our own home, just us, God, and our less attractive self——to married, God, us, spouse, and our less attractive self, what’s the best way to handle that transition? How do we communicate best with our spouse so that our personal transition doesn’t affect the intimacy of our tightly knit marriage/relationship?


We have to be aware when we’re off. This means we have to be perceptive and understand ourselves and our patterns


2. Assess

We have to assess why it’s happening. Spend some time alone. What has changed? What’s currently going on in everyday life?


3. Gather info

Gather all of your data. Things that have changed, when you noticed yourself becoming off, what you think is happening, steps you want to take to get back on course, etc.

4. Talk to your spouse

After processing and gathering your thoughts (not your emotions), talk your spouse through the process you just took yourself through. Get on the same page. Let them know your game plan.


Most people, not just our spouses, are completely understanding and feel an instant dose of confidence when they know what is going on, and WHY. When people know why, it gives them something to shoot for. There’s a connection all of our brains make once we know the reason behind anything.

Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, it dies.


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